Yes, but only if you bribe people with it so that they’ll love you and never leave
Dear young fresh faced Jenna, here’s a bit of friendly advice from the older you who has very much got her shit together…
If you’re just dying to be my Valentine because you’ve heard how funny I am, how good I am in the sack, or how big my bank balance is (two truths and a lie, Jenna, not three lies), then here are my rules:
Does she think that I also have abs? I don’t have abs!
I mean, I do actually have abs, as in abdominal muscles; it’s just you can’t see them under the layers of cheeseburgers, doughnuts and beer.
I am not responsible for other people’s happiness My breasts are sisters, not twins
I can’t wear a rainbow armband because of my religion… but hey, check out my gambling sponsor! Footballers, LGBT rights, and a whole lot of hypocrisy
Are you a sad and lonely lesbian? Sucks to be you! But that’s beside the point. What you need to do is join some lesbian dating apps! Here’s some seriously unhelpful tips…
It’s been 3 minutes and you’ve not replied… You are now dead to me. Even if you were on fire and I had just drunk 12 gallons of Pepsi Max, I would still not piss on you. Because, as I said, you are dead to me.