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I was in a car chase the other day, obviously, I wasn’t the one doing the chasing, bitch please, I’ve got a Dacia, the only thing I’m chasing is a parked car…

I don’t plan on kicking the bucket any time soon, (although obviously the promise of eternal oblivion will be somewhat of a relief) but I thought that it’s probably about time that I start living…

I know they couldn’t represent EVERY form of woman in just one film, but seriously, where were all the lezzies?

Hi, it’s your favourite self-defeatist lezzie nut job here… I need help again.

Obviously being a lesbian is the best thing a woman can be, but sometimes I dream of being straight…

It’s not easy losing weight while going through a breakup. I keep forgetting I’m no longer cooking for 2 so I’m eating double the dinners…