I’ve never been a fan of poetry. I always thought it was just some wanky rubbish that boring people pretend …

I’d rather drink bin juice than enter the ladies’ singles tournament again.

Yes, but only if you bribe people with it so that they’ll love you and never leave

Dear young fresh faced Jenna, here’s a bit of friendly advice from the older you who has very much got …

If you’re just dying to be my Valentine because you’ve heard how funny I am, how good I am in …

Does she think that I also have abs? I don’t have abs! I mean, I do actually have abs, as in abdominal muscles; it’s …