Hi Jenna, it’s me/you and I’m writing to you from the future. No, there aren’t any flying cars but there is a war, a pandemic and an economic crisis. But other than that it’s alright…
I know you think you’re fat now… HA! You have no idea. I won’t tell you what to do (because you’re just a moody teenager who wouldn’t listen anyway), but try to stop mainlining carbs and eat something that isn’t beige or brown.
SPOILER ALERT! We balloon up to 19 stone and it takes us 6 years to get back down to a weight that means we don’t have to buy t-shirts that are 12XL.
Here is a bit of friendly advice from your older self who has very much got her shit together:
1) You’re going to want to get a tattoo on your arm at 17. Don’t… You’re also going to want to get one on your back at 19, don’t do that either because when people ask to see it we have to expose our hairy back and that’s just awkward. (Oh yeah, we grow hair on our back, I know… Blame Dad).
b) You’re going to be a people pleaser and hide your true weird self in the hope that people will like you more. They won’t… Just be “weird Jenna”, it’s much more fun.
iii) You’re going to go to Portugal and slice your foot open on a boat propeller. Definitely DO do that again, because now you have a cool scar on your foot that hurts when Voldermort is near.
You know that picture of Geri Halliwell that used to be on your wall? You liked looking at it, didn’t you? But you didn’t know why you liked looking at it, right?
Yeeeeeeah, that’ll all make sense in about 6 months.
I know you haven’t found your tribe yet, but let me tell you, in 17 years’ time you will find your tribe. YOU! Yes, that’s right, we are our own tribe and we have a handshake and monthly meetings and everything. Sure, the Christmas party is a bit quiet, but babes, we’re all we need.
Now, turn off your emo music, go to the local tennis courts and start playing tennis because we really could’ve done with learning as a child… (I don’t care what you say, you ARE a child, now go and clean your bedroom).
May the odds be ever in your favour,
P.s. No pressure but if you could sort your shit out now it would really save us a lot of money in therapy later…