It’s easy to spot a group of lesbians because they’ll all be dressed like men, wearing comfortable shoes and sporting short hair cuts. But why do lesbians have short hair?
Is it because they just want to be men? Of course!
No, seriously, us lezzers have short hair so that other lezzers can know that we’re lezzas and we can know that they’re lezzas and then we can all get together and do all the lezzing.
Having short hair or a shaved bit is a lesbian right of passage, we all cut off our long locks with the intention of looking like Pink, but we will never look like Pink. EVER.
Why don’t all us short-haired lesbians look like Pink? Because we’re either too fat or too butch – I cut my hair short in the hope that I would look like Megan Rapinoe but I came out the hairdressers looking like Charlie Sheen.
Lesbians have had short hair since we first hatched, but we have at times swayed towards other hairstyles, for example, the mullet. (Thankfully we’ve given this style back to the hillbillies of Alabama.)
Pros of short hair:
- Men are less interested in you, which means fewer offers of 3somes and sexual assaults. RESULT!
- Easier to have sex, own a plughole and change the oil in your truck if your hair isn’t like Rapunzel
- You get to use all the hair products, I just put wax, gel, clay, double cream, putty, oil, mouse and cottage cheese in my hair and BAM it’s ready!
- You have an invisible badge that says “Hi I’m a lesbian and I don’t give into society’s demands on women to look feminine and I just want to see the patriarchy burn, also my mood is slightly stand-offish so don’t call me darling”
Cons of short hair:
- You can’t pretend that you’re that girl from The Ring (whispers 7 days)
- Still have to pay women’s hair prices even though you’ve got a “men’s cut”
- Having to talk to hairdressers more often, ugh just shut up and cut my hair
- You’re stuck with it unless you decide to grow it out and go through that disgusting stage where you have to look like Barry Gibb for 6 years
- It’s not long enough to pull out and use as floss for those emergency moments when you get food stuck in your teeth. I am not joking
So as you can see, there are many reasons why us lesbians have short hair and it’s mainly because it’s an easy way to identify that we are lesbians. In the same way that Nazis have their arm bands, lesbians have their under cuts.