I know they couldn’t represent EVERY form of woman in just one film, but seriously, where were all the lezzies?
Sure, my fellow gay sister Kate McKinnon played Weird Barbie, but she just kept lusting over Ken and lesbians don’t tend to lust over men.
Although to be honest I did spend a lot of the film lusting over Ken as well because he a) was an absolute adonis, b) was emotionally available and c) didn’t actually possess a wiener.
Christ, has the Barbie film turned me straight?
*Looks at pictures of Kate Winslet*
Aaaaaaand normal service is resumed.
You’ll be shocked to hear that I am not and have never been, a pink little girl. But when I went to see Barbie I was SURROUNDED by pink little girls. Although to be fair I was also pink, but only around the eyes because I’d spent the morning crying. But Barbie cheered me right up!
The film cheered me up so bloody much that I saw it twice. I also saw Oppenheimer twice, but that really didn’t cheer me up.
Barbie and Oppenheimer were very similar though – one had big bombs and the other had big bombshells. Waaaaaaay, good one, Jenna!
(Sorry, can you cringe a bit quieter please?).
But which film was better?
Obviously Barbie, and mainly because everyone was pretty much either called Barbie or Ken (apart from Alan, but Alan is dead to us) so it was easy to follow – unlike Oppenheimer where there were thousands of characters with different names but who all looked the same.
“Which white dude with glasses is he referring to now?” I cried while scoffing my 5th bag of large chocolate buttons because GOD DAMN do I need a lot of snacks to get through a 3 hour movie.
So which Barbie am I? Well, I used to be more like Ken – abs for days and charm that just won’t quit, lolz jk… It was more because of the anxious attachment style where I needed someone else to validate me.
But that was old Jenna!
New Jenna is Weird Goofy Lesbian Barbie with a hairy back and suspected ADHD (who wears Ken’s clothes).
Oooooorrrrrrr, I’m carbohydrate Barbie.
Carbie, if you will.