Most of my friends are in their 50’s but I don’t normally feel the age gap, apart from when I’m complaining about my period pains and they’re complaining about their lack of pelvic floor control – but we were in the pub the other day and we started talking about grey hairs when suddenly one of them laughed and said “You just wait until you get your first grey pube, Jenna”.
Wtf? My pubes will go… grey? I’ll be salt and pepper down there? My vagina will have a silver lining? I’ll have grey lady whiskers?
Shit… I had no idea. I mean, I sort of did, but also, I hadn’t actually considered it. Sure, I’ve got a ton of greys hairs on my head, my wrinkles are scarring my face like they’re surgical incisions, but every other part of my body is so young it’s like I’ve just been born.
I’m still young dammit (though not young enough to not pay council tax, utility bills or taxes).
As I don’t have any grey pubes yet I must grab life by the short and curlies and do something wild! Christ, like what? I don’t know, I need a sit-down. Ahhhh, that’s better.
Yes, I’m 34, but I still feel too young.
Too young for what, Jenna?
Well grey pubes, but also, too young to have kids, even though some of my school friends have multiple children and I’m like WHAT? BUT WE’RE STILL CHILDREN OURSELVES?! I literally just installed a fart noise app on my phone and there’s Sarah over there with three kids, two of whom are teenagers.
Mental.
Does arm hair go grey?
What about back hair?
I shouldn’t panic about grey hairs, getting older is an absolute privilege/burden that not everyone gets. It’ll just mean that I’ve got another bit of body maintenance to do, which is fine – I love spending time and money on razors, hair dye, lotions, moisturisers and serums.
I guess I could just let my body do what it does naturally and accept it with grace, safe in the knowledge that “youth” isn’t what you look like, but how you feel inside.
Gosh, look how wise I am.
With age comes wisdom.
And grey pubes.
Though obviously I am still way too young for either of those things.