I thought that going on a date with a 5’10” blonde Swedish personal trainer would be everything I’ve ever dreamed of…
We’d laugh, look sexily into each other’s eyes and have lots of conversations about sport, what it’s like to be tall and which part of my body she’s going to massage first.
It was not like that.
Yes, she was tall. Yes, she teaches people how to exercise. But that was it.
I forgot to mention in my description of my “dream woman” that she actually has to have the ability to have a conversation. Seriously, the chat didn’t flow at all — mainly because it’s difficult to converse with someone who doesn’t ask you a sodding thing.
She was also so serious that you’d think she’d been asked what her opinion on the Israel-Palestine war is, rather than “What do you like to do on the weekends?”
But she was meant to be my dream woman? It seems that my dream woman, like communism, is fantastic in theory but in reality — it’s a bit of a letdown.
In her defense, she was very beautiful and maybe she was just nervous. Or maybe, she just wasn’t interested in me in the slightest .
No, that can’t be it.
What I’ve learned from this is that looks aren’t important.
Well, this is fucking news…
I’m joking, of course. I don’t fall in love with someone because of what they look like. I fall in love with someone because of how rich they are.
Seriously though, I only wanted a tall woman because I like strong assertive women, and I only wanted a sporty woman because I like women in shorts.
Jenna, vertically challenged accountants can be strong, assertive and look banging in shorts. Yes, I know!!
Ok, so any future dates can be of any height and have any occupation, which I guess makes the pool of potential dates a lot bigger. Though she does have to be funny, kind, sensitive and just generally a nice person.
But the difficult thing with dating apps is that unless they’ve written a fantastically witty and amazing introduction in their profile (naturally, I have), then I don’t know what they’re really like as a person until we actually meet.
Which means I’ll have to go on a lot of dates to find out.
And who has the money for that?
Well, hopefully she does.
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