I was in a car chase the other day, obviously, I wasn’t the one doing the chasing, bitch please, I’ve got a Dacia, the only thing I’m chasing is a parked car.
The car chasing me was a BMW with a personalised number plate driven by the absolute douchebag that I’d beeped at just a few minutes earlier. He had deliberately stepped out in front of my car and proceeded to walk to the other side of the road as slowly as he could.
I beeped at him and he flipped me his middle finger (such a gent). I just ignored him and kept driving (while cursing like a sailor) and we both went on our merry way. Or so I thought…
A few minutes later this BMW comes revving up behind me beeping his horn and flashing his lights, roaring his engine aggressively.
I looked in my rearview mirror and saw the knob from earlier and panic smacked me right in the gut.
Shit, ok, time to stop driving home and a) lock my doors and b) check how much fuel I have left.
“I’ve got half a tank so I can do this for a few hours. Shall we go to Glasgow? Aye, let’s go to f*cking Glasgow, sweetheart.” I said out loud to myself in a Scottish accent.
I quickly darted up a different road. He quickly darted up that road too.
Shit. This was an actual car chase. Jenna, you shouldn’t beep people, you can’t tell just by looking at someone if they’re a psychopath or not! And now look, you’re being chased through a town that’s so middle-class, the 4x4s outnumber the people.
I darted up and down a few more side roads and he was still on my boot. Another quick left turn and I was down a busier road with shops on one side, I needed witnesses. But he stopped following me. He didn’t turn left down to the busier road, he just carried on going.
Ha! I win! Dacia 1 – BMW 0.
After pulling up and catching my breath for a moment, I put the car in gear again and drove further down the road where I saw his twat-mobile driving off into the distance.
Although I like to pretend that I’m tough and can totally protect myself in a fight, I’m a delicate little bunny and I was pretty shaken up by the whole thing. Though it does satisfyingly prove my point that BMW drivers are absolute scum (not all of them though of course*).
I’d like to say that I’ve learned my lesson and have stopped beeping so much when I’m behind the wheel but that isn’t 100% true, as last Saturday night I beeped a car and then flashed my full beams to show them what I thought of their dickish driving.
They then performed an emergency stop in front of me, putting their car at an angle so that I could see their driver’s side and then began to wind down their window.
Oh Christ, is this where I get shot?
What, no, this isn’t America, this is rural Sussex darling and he’s driving a Skoda.
He just flipped me the bird and drove off.
I’ve definitely learned my lesson this time. Well, one can only hope.
*Yes, all of them. Scum. Of. The. Earth.