When going on a first date, one must, of course, hide their crap tattoos, shortcomings and unfavourable personality traits. But …

Oh dear, we were a mess last night weren’t we? Shots on a Monday, asking the guy at McDonald’s if …

Obviously, there are no differences between men and women because gender is a social construct and time is an illusion …

I can’t have kids. I mean physically I can, but mentally, CHRIST NO, why on earth would anyone want to …

The woman at the gym offered me her last chocolate – that’s basically a marriage proposal, right?

A good bra is like a good friend, supportive, reliable and constantly touching your boobs.