Dear drunk me,
Oh dear, we were a mess last night weren’t we? Shots on a Monday, asking the guy at McDonald’s if we could walk through the drive-through on all fours to get fries because the main restaurant was closed.
It’s not our best look, is it?
Yes, I know you were on a date and you were nervous because you wanted to come across as the hilarious charming and hot babe that you are, but did you need to drink so bloody much BEFORE she arrived?
Oh, it was happy hour? Well, fair enough actually, £2.90 a pint, what a winner – treat yourself.
But in all seriousness, we have a limit on how many drinks we have on a night out and no, it isn’t 8. And no, the evening being boring isn’t an excuse to consume more.
When you got home last night, you decided to make up for the lack of Maccy D’s by cooking yourself some food which would feed a family of 4. But what about our goals babes? What about our dignity? What about muggins over here who has to clean all of it up the next day with a dry mouth, hurty head and the runs?
We’re never drinking again. No, I mean it this time! We have some very important and exciting goals that we’re working towards and getting twatted and eating everything in the fridge regardless of the expiry date doth not contribute to those goals.
What’s that? You’ve got birthday drinks with the girls on Saturday?
Fine, you can drink, but you’re only allowed 1 pre-drink and you’re not allowed any shots!
Also, you know that McDonald’s closes at 11pm so get there earlier than 10:59pm, ya great boob.
Sincerely,
Hungover Jenna who has had enough of your shit.