I’ve never been a fan of poetry.
I always thought it was just some wanky rubbish that boring people pretend to like in order to sound smart.
But I went to a writing group this week and met a lady who is definitely not boring, but, get this… she writes poetry.
I guess it’s not just for dullards.
While she was reading it out, I felt like the dumbest person in the pub. What do these big words mean? When is it going to start rhyming? Why hasn’t she mentioned a fanny yet?
Like I said, the dumbest person in the pub.
It was beautifully written, and I started to think that maybe those lezzers who constantly write romantic poems to each either might be on to something.
I’ve never had someone write me poetry. But there again, I’ve also never had someone carve my name into a watermelon rind with the passion of a thousand suns.
If you’ve read my work before, you’ll know that I tackle high-brow global issues. But also, I write jokes about willies and bums, so for a long time, I assumed poetry was above me.
But I was just on the toilet and I wrote my first poem. It doesn’t rhyme, it’s not funny, but it actually gave me the goosies.
Here it is:
Coldness, is just the absence of heat
Darkness, is just the absence of light
And my tears, are just the absence of you
Deep.
I don’t think I’ve plagiarised it. I’d say I’m 99% sure that I’ve come up with that myself.
I might give it another go. So watch out, future girlfriend! I’ll be showing up to our first date with a poetry anthology about my deep emotional wounds.
If anyone does want to woo me with poetry, then make it rhyme, make it funny, and make it short. My ADHD will thank you.
I can’t be listening and pretending to enjoy a poem that’s going to take over 30 seconds to read out.
(Unless I’m on a promise at the end of it, in which case, you take as long as you like, you sexy Shakespeare.)
1 comment
It depends on the poetry. It’s like some art, you either get it or you don’t.
I wrote odd and funny rhyming poetry and even I don’t get my own sometimes.