I don’t know what it is about my loose-fitting waistcoat, biker jacket, and cargo trousers that makes people think that I dress like a man.
“Why do lesbians dress like men?” people scream at me while I’m shopping at the Army Outfitters.
How do you know if these jeans that I’m wearing are men’s or women’s? They’re men’s, obviously. But I only go for men’s jeans because I like the chaffing that the long crotch gives me.
I’m also a fan of pockets, women’s jeans pockets are either tiny or they cease to exist all together, and I like my pockets like I like my vaginas. Baggy.
Men’s clothes are cheaper, darker and more comfortable and lesbian 101 is to be as comfortable af at all times. You see a woman in some heels? She’s not gay my friend… She’s either straight, bisexual or she’s just one of those gay women who wear heels and I’m talking out of my arse.
But what about those lesbians who don’t dress like men? Well, they sound like they’re thin and have money so good for them.
I dress like a man because I want to be a man, obviously. I mean that’s the only reason why I joined the doughnut bumping club, that and the discount at B&Q.