Dear the bloke upstairs,
It’s your disgruntled neighbour downstairs, and I’m writing to inform you that I don’t believe you’re as good at sex as your partner’s noises would suggest.
Ever since I moved into the property, I’ve had to listen to your girlfriend’s enthusiastic moans of pleasure.
Sometimes twice a week! Kinky bastards.
Who got lucky last night? Jenna got lucky last night!
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I’d rather drink bin juice than enter the ladies’ singles tournament again.