I’m watching the Women’s Euro football tournament and before you say anything, no, I’m not just watching because I like women in shorts and playing the game “is she a lesbian?”.
I’m watching because I want to support women’s sport and also England are hosting the tournament. Not that you’d know it… I haven’t been bombarded with inflatable footballs in Tesco or seen millions of cars flying little England flags out of their windows like they normally do when the men are playing a big kickyball tournament.
I don’t normally watch football because I find it boring and highly frustrating that a 90-minute game can end in a draw. Who has time for this? HOWEVER, I am able to get on board with the international games because it’s easier for me to tell who I want to win.
E.g. Iceland vs France, obviously I want the Iceland team to win, not only because they have a fun clappy thing that they do, but also because they’re not France.
Whereas Chelsea vs Arsenal? I mean, I couldn’t give less of a shit.
You’ll be shocked to hear that I don’t really know much about football, I know there are two goals, X number of players and a ball, but that’s pretty much it…
Thanks to there being nothing else on the TV, I’ve watched multiple games in the last few weeks and have expanded my knowledge of the beautiful-yet-quite-dreary game tenfold.
Here is what I’ve learned:
- No one is as hurt as they say they are (a player who seconds ago needed a lower leg amputation is now fine to continue sprinting from one end of the pitch to the other)
- You only need to look up from your phone when the commentator’s voice gets quicker (otherwise sod all else is happening)
- No one like penalties apart from those who don’t care about football and just want something to happen after watching 120 minutes of no one bloody winning
- Not all of them are lesbians, some of them are just Dutch (Dutch women and lesbians have a lot of similarities e.g. clogs)
One of the worst things about being English (the list, as you can imagine, is quite long), is the bollocks we say when there’s a football tournament on. It’s not coming home, it’s never coming home and if you value your stupid face then you’ll never utter the words “it’s coming home” in my presence again.
It’s that arrogant, self-righteous bullshit that makes the rest of the world (rightly) hate us.
The tournament ends soon and I really hope that England win, not because I’m patriotic (I’m a Scotland/whichever-team-has-the-most-blonde-players-in-it fan) but if we did win then we’ve shown the men’s team that we’re better than them.
Obviously, we don’t need to win the tournament to prove this (I am told by someone who actually understands football that we are playing better than the men), but it would be lovely to shush up those sexist idiots who think that women can’t/shouldn’t play football.
I think that only women should play football, and not just because they look better in shorts.