I think that we should all keep wearing masks even after this Covid bollocks is done, and here’s why:
1) Masks allow us “resting bitch faces” to relax our facial muscles without fear of being told to “cheer up” or “smile, it might never happen!” Well, it has happened now hasn’t it Dave, so why don’t you fucking smile?
2) No one can see me mouthing “fuck you” directly into the eyes of my enemies. (Though sometimes I feel like people also can’t hear me when I’m wearing a mask so I just walk around saying what I like. Turns out people can hear me through this thin layer of material).
3) It covers my double chin. Unfortunately, it only covers one of them but still, it’s better than full-on blubber.
4) I can mime to my music in the supermarket without being judged. Obviously, I’ll have to calm it with the dance moves though as it’s a bit of a giveaway.
5) I can keep a constant check on the smell of my breath. (Minty with a hint of Quorn and undertones of last night’s chocolate binge. Gorgeous).
6) It’s been nice to see men being told what to wear for once. Hey Lads, hate wearing a mask when you go shopping? Try wearing a bra every day, mate. (And on behalf of my Muslim sisters, try wearing a burka every time you go out, mate).
7) It’s easier to identify who is a dick head. Sometimes you can identify if someone is a dick head by the newspaper they read or the car they drive, but this is difficult to do when said person is not reading or driving.
Luckily, now you can tell if someone is a dick head if they’re wearing a mask or not. Of course, some people have health conditions that make them exempt from wearing a mask and I 100% respect that. HOWEVER, being an absolute tosser is not one of these conditions so put your bloody mask back on, (insert name of said dick head) the world doesn’t revolve around you and your stupid selfish ass.
Obviously, you can’t tell if someone has a health condition just by looking at them so you shouldn’t immediately jump to conclusions that someone without a mask is just a self-centered knobhead. HOWEVER, it’s a bit of a coincidence if every member of the “loud obnoxious gang of youths” that seem to follow me around Asda all the time, has an underlying health condition.
Unless of course, that’s how they met? Maybe these aren’t thugs who are out to intimidate everyone around them, maybe they’re part of a “Bronchitis R Us” meetup group out on their Tuesday evening shop. How judgemental of me to think otherwise.
So that is why we should keep wearing masks after Covid19 has gone, but only the reusable ones, not the throwaway ones because they’ll end up in the sea and the only thing I want to end up in the sea are the cockwombles who refused to wear masks in the first place.
“Oh but they could be exempt bla bla bla, let’s not be sheep but let’s get herd immunity like we’re a herd of fucking sheep bla bla bla” (or baa baa baa, depending on how you feel about sheep).