We all know that gay men like to bum but no one really knows how lesbians have sex.
But the question shouldn’t be how do lesbians have sex, it should be, how do we stop having sex? Am I right ladies? But what about lesbian bed death, I hear you cry! Well, if you could keep your crying to a minimum that would be great.
Finding a mate
The difference in finding a mate to rub genitals with is that gay men find the whole thing a lot easier. You know when you’re just a gay guy standing naked in the gym shower and you see another gay guy standing naked in the gym shower, you don’t really have to formally introduce yourself before you start bumming.
But lesbians… that’s a whole different kettle of screwdrivers my friend. You go into a club as a gay woman and immediately sit down before staring at a hot girl for the next 2 hours, go home without saying a word, stalk her online before having a wank over the memory of the evening and then never speaking to her again until once day you bump into her at a vegan recycling convention.
Sex and that
According to some horn dogs that I know, gay men have a lot more sex with a lot more partners than lesbians do, because “they just can’t help themselves”. Right, well, if men can’t help or control themselves when it comes to sex then they shouldn’t be put in positions of power, government or big capitalist companies that have the power to F up our world.
Also, if you can’t control yourself around a human hole, then don’t judge me when I can’t control myself when I’m busy rubbing chocolate cake over my boobs before having an epic coco orgy. Aight?
I was hanging out with some straight peeps not long ago, (got to tick that diversity box init) and we saw a gay man cruise being advertised. It looked colourful, it looked sleazy, it looked a lot of fun. We then quickly googled a lesbian cruise. It looked, well you can imagine what it looked like. It looked relaxed, it looked chilled, it looked like it had more testosterone on-board than the gay boy boat.
There’s a reason why the underground lesbian floor of G-A-Y is full of sofas; we love a good sit down, a nice chilled vibe and some comfortable dim lighting, all the while the guys are upstairs shining bright like a diamond.
Same, but different
Sometimes I’m not sure why gay men and gay women are put in the same group together, apart from all the rainbows we don’t really have that much in common. Sure, we face very similar discrimination, bigotry and hate but so do the Jews and Muslims and you don’t stick those two groups together do ya?
I’m joking, I do love my gay brothers and my actual gay brother, he’s 5 years older than me and coming out was the only thing that I’ve ever done before him. Gay little sister 1 – Gay big brother 0