Aside from the extra pay that men get, the extra rapes and assaults that they commit and all the wars that they have started (What? Too dark… My bad) here are a few slightly funnier/less annoying differences between men and women.
These differences between men and women are, although some what trivial, can be just as annoying as the lack of equal pay and opportunities in American government positions:
Men’s haircuts in a barbers usually costs around £10, women’s haircuts in a salon usually costs three times that. But women have longer hair I hear you cry, yes but not always! I have loads (some) lesbian friends who have short hair and just want a simple trim but most barbers refuse to cut their hair.
Unless men go into the barbers for something I don’t know about e.g. they get a free ball cupping with every cut, I don’t see why the absence of a dick should mean that you won’t take my short haired female friend’s money. I wonder whether barbers only take money from people with dicks because they all love dicks so much? Because if that was the reason then it would totally make more sense…
Pockets in jeans
What absolute fuster clunk came up with fake pockets on female jeans? And what about our tiny pockets that fit a tampon in and nothing else? Not all of us carry handbags, some of us like to carry our vibrator in our pocket and that little lipstick holder thing you give us ain’t big enough.
I’ve recently discovered that men have bigger pockets in their jeans because apparently men like to fumble with themselves… This vital piece of insider information came from two actual men.
Being a lesbian means that I am free, nay expected, to shop in the men’s section – it is considered standard lesbian practise. But the main reason I do it is because men’s clothes are:
- Cooly designed
Women’s clothes however are:
- Decorated with flowers
- Only feature cool designs if something else has been altered e.g. a skull t shirt is cool, but you’ve given it a cold shoulder (holes where my shoulders should be) NOT COOL!
- Not as cheap as men’s
Going to the toilet
Women, what are we doing in the toilet? Men, why don’t you flush the bloody chain and wash your hands? Disgusting, both of you should be ashamed. Also, the men and women’s toilet sign is annoying, not all women wear superhero capes to the toilet so stop stereotyping us.
A man and a woman who have exactly the same skills and experience are asked if they want to interview for a job, but to do so they have to know XYZ, neither of them do.
Woman: No I can’t, I’ve never done XYZ before
Men: I know XYZ like the back of my dick, I’m an expert (they will then spend the next two weeks before the interview learning what the f XYZ is)
Women put up barriers whereas men tear down barriers that sometimes shouldn’t be torn down. This could be why men are seen as natural leaders and women who behave in the same way that men do are seen as bossy/angry hormonal lesbians.
Men have invented some of the best things, granted, but they’ve also invented some of the worst things e.g. cigarettes, guns, BMWs and styrofoam (retches). Women aren’t completely innocent though, they’ve also done bad things e.g. Given birth to these men… Nope, that’s all I’ve got…