The woman at the gym offered me her last chocolate – that’s basically a marriage proposal, right?
She was actually asking me to go on a date with her, yes? To share her life with her? Be there for her when she’s sad, and enjoy the good moments and everything that life has to offer?
She also laughed at me (BIG green flag) when I said no, though this was probably because the look on my face was a mix of absolute horror and delight that a beautiful blonde woman was talking to me.
Great, she’s laughing at me already! Let’s move in together, book a trip around America and get matching tattoos.
You like country music, tennis and cocktails on the beach, yes?
Fantastic, well, here’s what you should know about me. I have a disorganised attachment style, which means that I’m inconsistent in my behaviour and I have a hard time trusting others. Also, I can be both needy and avoidant, depending on which one you are.
God, this is fun.
And what about dates? What do you like to do? Sure, we’re both into fitness and being healthy, but I also love the odd day-drinking sesh where we spend all day in a pub people-watching, talking shit and making future plans. But bowling is also cool…
And what about kids? I don’t want them, for the obvious reasons – I like money, freedom and my sanity, well, what’s left of it, but I’m racing ahead, you can find out about my mental state on the 2nd date.
So, are you free tonight?
What’s that? Oh, you really were just offering me the last chocolate.
Huh.
Well, in which case, what sort of personal trainer are you? I don’t come to the gym every single morning for fun – I come to exercise, to work off the millions of “last chocolates” I’ve eaten over the past few decades, and also to get sexy hot muscles so that in the summer I can wear short sleeve t-shirts and attract women who would happily give me all of their chocolates.
So no, I don’t want your las- Oh, you’ve just given it to the old guy on the bike.
Yeah, well, I don’t like hot blondes anyway.
Like reading about lezzie stuff like culture, dating and all that good shizzle? Seems like you might… then check out my short funny guide on how to be a lesbian: https://amzn.to/3J1TUux