What do you get if you stick 4 lesbians in a car and send them up to Scotland? You get a week of innuendos, scaring pranks and some shocking Scottish accents.
We set off from Kent at 3am on Saturday morning and arrived in sunny Edinburgh at 1:30pm; the journey was full of tiger baps, sleep and musical soundtracks. For those of you who know me, you’ll know that I bloody love Edinburgh, so it was really exciting to get the opportunity to show our friends the city. HOWEVER, two out of the three days we were there it was foggy as hell and you couldn’t even see the drugged-up guy on the corner, let alone Arthur’s Seat.
Eventually the fog buggered off and our friends got to see what we had been banging on about e.g. Holyrood, The Royal Mile and Frankenstein’s karaoke bar. There’s nothing quite like drinking a Mary Shelley cocktail while watching old Scottish guys belt out Diana Ross’ Chain Reaction.
During our time in Edinburgh we also visited all the usual Harry Potter bits, eg. the grave where Tom Riddle’s name is from and the Elephant House where JK wrote some of her books, (which is now ridiculously popular with Chinese tourists). When we were in Greyfriars looking at Riddle’s grave we saw A LOT of Skye Terriers and after asking one of the dog’s owners we learnt that it was Greyfriar Bobby’s day… A special day where people come to lay dog bones, throw confetti and celebrate the dog’s birthday. Something that us boring humans can only dream of happening after we kick it.
We left Edinburgh and made our way to Aviemore but not before stopping in Dundee first. Why Dundee? Could it be because it’s a fantastic city with culture, art and beautiful scenery? No, it’s because my girlfriend is from there and she wanted to show our friends where she used to get drunk.
Dundee is really full of very talented people, e.g. there was one man playing the harmonica and smoking a cigarette at the same time, a skill I can only dream of having. During our stop-over one of our friends wanted to get her hair cut, she has short hair and just wanted a quick trim before we all gallivanted off to the Highlands. The hair salon was around £30 and the barbers was £15, but when we went into the barbers the bloke said that he doesn’t cut women’s hair, even though her hair is shorter than a lot of men’s… So because she doesn’t have a penis, she has to pay double the price? Of course, that makes total sense! (We did eventually find a nice lady barber who cut her hair nae bother!)
Finally we arrived in Aviemore to find our lovely little caravan boiling in the sun; who knew Scotland could get so hot? Not us, and that’s why we’d only really brought jumpers and duffel coats with us! During our time in the Highlands we went to:
- The Cairngorm mountain: Awesome views, expensive cafe and rather small viewing deck,
- Loch Ness: No, there was no monster, just a lot of tourists and Nessy based souvenirs (Loch Ness monster condom anyone?)
- Carrbridge: Small town with a gorgeous bridge and an interesting hotel restaurant that has the biggest starters I’ve ever seen,
- Loch Morlich: The highlight of the trip was when we went swimming in the loch while looking up at the mountains and trees. It was so glorious we almost broke into song,
- Loch an Eilein: Another lovely loch. I made Suz walk 10 miles that day and she didn’t complain even half as much as I thought she would… she’s a keeper,
- Gaelic Super Group Gig: I couldn’t understand a word of the songs but it was so much fun dancing the Gay Gordon to the sound of bagpipes.