Hen do tack
At the weekend I went up to Edinburgh for Suz’s sister’s henny. It was my first straight hen-do so I was expecting there to be lots of willies straws and dildos. There were lots of willy straws but no dildos. Not that I’m disappointed, I just imagined there would be. We also had a butler in the buff; Suz and I met him outside the hotel and showed him to where he could get changed (or unchanged). It was such an awkward moment as we all walked down the hall way knowing that he was soon going to have his bum out. As a lesbian I’ve no idea whether he had a nice body but from the reaction of the other girls I think he probably did.
He was a very sweet butler who had a little ginger bum, blue contact lenses and was dripping in baby oil. During the hen-do we were all given party bags. Each bag contained a shot glass, a willy straw, a face mask of the groom and some paracetamol for the morning after. Some ladies didn’t need any paracetamol for the morning after as they got straight back on it. One woman even had some chilli nachos and a pint of cider for breakfast. Breakfast of champions.
Straight hen vs lesbian hen
I’ve only been to two hen-dos (Miss Popular over here), one straight and one gay and they were both very different. As you’d expect. One was full of willies and one was full of lesbians. At the gay hen-do we went kayaking and had a lovely garden party; there wasn’t a novelty straw in sight. We also went out for a sophisticated meal at an Italian restaurant in Herne Bay. The food was amazing but once I was on a night out and needed the toilet but they wouldn’t let me go. And because of that I’m not going to recommend them.
The food in the straight hen-do was also bloody gorgeous. We had a mini buffet which is my favourite type of dinner as no one really knows how much you’ve eaten; normally because you’ve spread it over four visits. Luckily the buffet wasn’t fully eaten when we got back to the hotel at the end of the night so I had 3 sausage rolls, 2 cup cakes and 20 ish chocolate honeycomb bites.
For my hen-do I would like to rent a huge house in the country somewhere really fucking beautiful. It would have to have a huge hot tub in the garden. On the first day I’d like to do some sort of inflatable games/sport. Then on the second day I want a huge garden party with so much food, sun and laughter. No butler in the buff though because that would just be weird. (If my future maid of honour is reading this then I’d also like to do some sumo wrestling in the garden. Like with the big suits and that!)