Going To Brighton Pride Without Killing Yourself

If you find events like this make you want to kill yourself, then here are a few tips on how to survive Brighton Pride.

The Parade

On the Brighton Pride website it says that the parade starts at 11am, and it does, but only if you’re at the beginning of the route. If you’re standing near the clock tower (like we were) then it won’t reach you for at least 40 minutes and some of the acts/performers may be a little tired by that time, so for maximum fun times at the parade:

  • Watch it near the beginning of the route
  • Have plenty of refreshments ready (beer, chocolate, smack etc)
  • Wear every piece of rainbow clothing that you own
  • Wear sunglasses (all those colours really are a shock to the senses)
  • Embrace it darling! I was hungover and hating life at the beginning of this year’s Pride, but after dancing and singing at the top of my lungs I was only slightly hating life

The Gays

Where were all these lesbians when I was single? Not in my bedroom that’s for sure. There are so many gay, lesbian, queer, bi, trans, non-binary, non-human people at Pride and it’s absolutely amazing that for just a small amount of time we can all celebrate and love each other without judging. Cut to the next day and GOD DAMN that queer is trashy!

Bantz, bantz, bantz.

Occasionally you get the odd Bible-bashing douche bags, but they are always met with a sea of gays kissing each other wildly like they’re horny secondary school pupils.

The Queues

If you can then I suggest staying in Brighton for the night because OMG does the train station get busy; in 2018 4,000 people were left stranded and it took others over 3 hours to get on a train. Brighton Pride heavily supports my theory that there’s too many people in the world and it seems that most of them are gay…

Bring booze with you, unless you can afford to drink in an establishment nicer than Wetherspoons (ooo err get you). The shops, bars, cash machines and eating places are crazy busy so my advice is to bring plenty of snacks, beer and cash with you, unless you’re a fan of queuing of course.

The Drugs

As we sat on the beach enjoying the sun and atmosphere I noticed that a lot of people were completely off their faces. One guy was using the inside of his cheek as chewing gum, another guy was falling on top of strangers and one woman was kissing a bloke who was an absolute minger.

But seriously, Brighton Pride is full of drugs, alcohol and laughing gas. You will find many people going around selling tiny laughing gas canisters with empty balloons to idiots like me who want to try drugs but only if it’s 100% legal and £2 a pop.

All I’m saying is that if you go to Brighton Pride then you need to be aware because a lot of people are there for the illegal consumption of narcotics rather than any queer celebration.

Pride is fantastic and even if you’re not a huge queen then you should go and enjoy the celebration – Us LGBTQ+ people can (mostly) live freely in the UK and it’s awesome! Because there are still so many countries where it’s illegal or punishable by death.

Disclaimer: This blog post features sod all to do with the Brighton Pride Festival because it’s a) out of the town centre b) expensive (tickets were £40+ for Britney who was a bit poo) and c) because I prefer to be with my people getting drunk on the beach after a good gaying.