Earlier this year I caught the travel bug (the good kind not the brown kind) but I’ve got no dollar so I’m either going to have to start looting or start saving. Booooring! Although I always thought that I was going to be one of those people that money just floated towards it would seem that I am not, and because of that terrible realisation I’ve had to come up with some ways for me to actually save money:
Cut down on luxury
Unlike with my binge eating I find it quite easy to cut down on things (apart from food) in order to save a bit of money. Don’t be thinking that you need to be scrimping and scraping because you won’t be. I have always been super thrifty, it’s something I got from my mother (that and her weird feet) and I have never gone without anything. It’s all about changing your mind set.
- Dinners out: stop being such a snobby fucking toff and either cook at home or go somewhere cheaper E.g. Your local Wetherspoons
- Clothes: there’s no reason why you need to spend £50 on a Superdry hoodie so just stop it! You capitalist whore you
- Alcohol: get drunk at home instead of in a bar or cut down on drinking altogether, you’ll save money, be healthier and have an excellent reason as to why you can’t join your colleagues down the pub
- Hookers: it’s cheaper to get a girlfriend or be lonely
- Cocaine: swap cocaine for popping candy, it’s cheaper and will still get you off your tits
- Gucci watches: switch to the equally as fabulous Gucki watches from the dodgy blokes on the street
Things like my mortgage and utility bills are, apparently, non-negotiable no matter how many times I tell them that I want to take advantage of this one life and use the money to explore the world. My mortgage manager has now blocked my calls. You’re more likely to stick to a budget if you clearly lay out what your categories are and how much you are budgeting for each over the month.
So apart from mortgage and bills my budgeting categories are as follows:
- Travel (to work or petrol)
- Phone bill
- Euro millions (when the prize is over £100 million, anything under is utterly pointless)
- Misc (bits and boobs like someone has a shotgun wedding or dies or has a child either way, you’re going to have to buy them a present)
I’m lucky enough to have a wide variety of design and writing skills thanks to my very expensive University degree. So finding extra income is fairly easy as there’s lots of freelance copywriting and graphic design websites out there. However, if you don’t have a range of design and copy-writing skills then here are a few other ideas for some extra income:
- Takeaway driver: obviously you have to have a car and some will power not to eat the food before you get to the customer’s house
- Bar-tending: evening and weekend shifts are perfect to fit around your 9-5, especially if you hate having a work/life balance
- Dog sitting or walking: if you like dogs and have a garden then great, if you don’t then this option probably isn’t for you
- Become a waiter: granted it’s the worst job in the world but if you get to eat lots of free shit and receive good tips then it’s bearable
- Play the stock market: obviously a risk and I’ve got no clue how to do it but my dad does so give him a call. Tell him his second child said hi!
- Rent your home out on Air BnB: if you can live with your parents, friends or on the street then you can rent your place out for some extra cash
Other ideas for saving money for travel
If you’ve gotten to the bottom of this blog and realised that you can’t do any of the above then really you’re a lost cause but do not fear as here are some other, rather unusual ways to make some money:
- Cosy up to an old rich relative with a heart problem
- Grow a beard, rough up your clothes and go begging on a street that has expensive shops
- Steal as much loo roll and condiments from Wetherspoons as you can
- Pick up every penny you see, it could be on the floor or in someone’s purse, just pick it up
- Sell all the stuff that you do or do not use
- Stop visiting websites that sell stuff, crazy I know but when I pop onto eBay to buy some new toothbrush heads I sometimes end up buying a two bed apartment in Bulgaria
And even if that fails then do what I’ve done and start a travel, comedy, lesbian blog and hope that people are nice enough to buy your hilarious books or use your affiliate links to buy lovely wonderful things for travelling. If you want to start a blog and make money using affiliate links (it’s how all bloggers/vloggers do it) then signup to the free affiliate program using this link (you may have to pause your adblocker to see it):
Have you got any other awesome ways you save money? Let me know about them or just give me your money. Thanking you kindly.