For those of you who might not know how lesbians pull women when they go out to lesbian bars, let me paint you a picture, it’s quite the scene.
A woman goes into a bar and immediately eyes up the bar maid, they meet in the toilet five minutes later and bang it out. Oh wait, no, that’s what the lesbians in pornos do…
Here is what they really do:
We start off with the lesbian at home getting ready in the mirror, Spotify is blaring out P!nk as the young hopeful lesbian chooses between the red lumberjack shirt and the blue lumberjack shirt.
When the lesbian walks into the bar she’s Shane from The L Word, oozing with nipple confidence and a leather jacket. Once she’s inside, she’s Dana from The L Word, hiding and avoiding eye contact with everyone including herself – (there’s always at least 12 mirrors in all good lesbian bars).
The lesbian scene in the bar is incestuous to the max, as there are just three types of women there:
- Her ex lovers
- Her friends
- And her future lovers
She’s orders a beer at the bar (a bottle to look cool) and she’s eyeing up the most coveted lesbian spot in the bar, the sofa.
After sitting down for the evening it only takes her 5 seconds to spot the woman of her dreams who’s standing by the bar looking arrogant as fuck. This hot dreamy woman will normally have a very androgynous name like Billy or Derek.
Does the lesbian walk up to her and ask her for her number? Does she fuck…
She stares at her in silence for the entire evening. She doesn’t want to seem desperate, so instead of talking to her she just sits and imagines what they’ll call their third cat and how soon is too soon to suggest buying a motor home.
After three hours of this the lesbian finally goes home to stalk her new prey online, but she only has the woman’s hair colour and drink preference to go on. Boom, 10 minutes later she’s got the woman’s name, occupation and shoe size, she’s a 9…
You know what they say about women with big feet? Hairy toes!
(I can vouch for this)
The lesbian will bump into the hot dream woman again one day and say “oh yes, I know you” and then she’ll spill out all of the information she learnt during her due diligence checks, and that’s when the hot dream woman will block her.
Back to square one…