Dear The First Guy Who Asked Me To Have Sex
I can’t quite believe that you asked me to have sex with you all those years ago. 
 

Not because you were such an adonis and I couldn’t believe my luck, but because we were both only 13.

I don’t know about you, but 13 seems awfully young for a boy to be asking a girl to put his floppy thing into her slotty thing.

 
I mean, 13-year-olds are still getting stickers for going to the dentist and having their homework in on time, let alone have safe consensual sexy bang-bang time in a park.
 
Even if we did have sex there was no chance of me becoming pregnant because I didn’t start my period until I was 16, but still, you really were proving my mother right when she told me that “boys are horny as soon as they come out of the womb and they don’t ever really change.”
 
It was foolish of you to think that I, 13-year-old Jenna would want to be anywhere near your willy especially as it was clear, even then, that I was a lesbian (I was like a little KD Lang, but 10 times butcher).
 
I can see on Facebook that you’re now married, lovely, congratulations, I hope that she knows how early you wanted to lose your virginity and sees it as a funny story from childhood rather than a serious reflection on your character.
 
Anyway, a few final reasons why I’m glad I didn’t have sex with you all those years ago is because:
– We weren’t even dating! Buy a girl a chocolate bar first…
– I dread to think what the hygiene standards of 13-year-old boys are, I can’t imagine they’re as high as I would require anyway
– And lastly, eww
 
When you have children I hope you put them off the idea of sex until they’re at least 25. Basically old enough to make educated decisions regarding their genitals.
 
Yours sincerely
The girl whose virginity you didn’t take