Obviously being a lesbian is the best thing a woman can be, but sometimes I dream of being straight…
1) I wouldn’t have to bother so much in the bedroom
No one knows how us lesbians have sex and this is exactly the type of mystery that I want to have for all aspects of my life. But sometimes lesbian sex requires a bit more effort than hetero sex, and to be honest, I’m a bit of a lazy arse.
Straight sex does look a lot easier. In some of the videos that I’ve “accidentally” seen, the women are there for aesthetics only. And that’s exactly the type of workout I’m after.
2) Going dutch in a restaurant would be a rare thing
When there are two women in a relationship, it’s not automatically a given which one of them will pay, we normally just go half each.
If I was straight then I would only need to pay on his birthday. Yes, I know that us women want equality and the old fuddy-duddy traditions of the man being the provider in the relationship is a “bad thing”, but sometimes I just don’t want to pay for dinner. I like money and food, and I don’t see why I should have to choose between them.
3) I wouldn’t need to be friends with my exes
I have SOOOOOOO many friends that are exes, and I really need to whittle them down a bit.
Ok, maybe I don’t have loads of friends that are exes, but still… There’s an unspoken code in the gay world that it’s totally fine (sometimes encouraged) to be friends with your exes and I don’t really want a constant reminder of another one of my life’s failures, thanks.
4) I would be the princess in the relationship
I’m tired of being the man in the relationship, I want to be someone’s Queen, someone’s Beyonce, someone’s Nefertiti.
When I was planning my wedding, my dad said that I was clearly going to be the groom. But I think that might’ve just been because he didn’t want to pay for the thing.
(Even though I want to be someone’s princess, I’d still be the butch one, because, well look at me… I just wouldn’t be butch enough to have to pay for dinner).
5) No really, I just like to lie there & take it
I could also be little spoon more often. I love to be little spoon.
6) I’d have someone to direct my rants at
All the females in my life have apparently had enough of me ranting about the permanent gender inequality in our society and they want me to stop.
ADVERT: Man wanted to represent the entire patriarchy so I can shout at him and he can apologise and join the feminist cause, because as we all know, a male feminist would be paid attention to much more than a female feminist… Ironically.