6 Reasons Why I Wish I Was Straight

Obviously being a lesbian is the best thing a woman can be, but sometimes I dream of being straight…

1) I wouldn’t have to bother so much in the bedroom

No one knows how us lesbians have sex and this is exactly the type of mystery that I want to have for all aspects of my life. But sometimes lesbian sex requires a bit more effort than hetero sex, and to be honest, I’m a bit of a lazy arse. Straight sex does look a lot easier, in some of the videos that I’ve “accidentally” seen there are women who are just there for aesthetics. And that’s the type of work out I’m after.

2) Going dutch in a restaurant would be a rare thing

When there are two women in the relationship it’s not automatically a given which one of them will pay, we normally just go half each. If I was straight then I would only need to pay on his birthday. Yes, I know that us women want equality and the old fuddy-duddy traditions of the man being the provider in the relationship is a “bad thing”, but sometimes I just don’t want to pay for dinner. Sometimes I just want to be wined and dined for free.

3) I wouldn’t need to be friends with my exes

I have SO many friends that are exes that I really need to whittle them down a bit. Ok, maybe I don’t have loads of friends that are exes, mainly because I’ve only got like 2 exes, and that’s at an absolute push. But still, there’s an unspoken code in the gay world that it’s totally fine (sometimes encouraged) to be friends with your exes and I don’t really want a constant reminder of another one of my life’s failures thanks…

4) I would be the princess in the relationship

I’m tired of being the man in the relationship, I want to be someone’s Queen, Princess, Beyonce. I want to be someone’s Beyonce. I’m getting married soon and my dad says that my fiance is the bride and I’m the groom. But I think that might just be because he doesn’t want to pay for the thing. Even though I want to be someone’s Princess I’d still be the butch one, because well look at me… I just wouldn’t be butch enough to have to pay for dinner.

5) No really, I just like to lie there & take it

I could also be little spoon more often. I love to be little spoon.

6) I’d have someone to direct my rants at

My fiance has apparently had enough of me ranting about the permanent gender inequality in our society and she wants me to stop. ADVERT: Man wanted to represent the entire patriarchy so I can shout at him and he can apologise and join the feminist cause, because as we all know, a male feminist would be paid attention to more than a female feminist… Ironically.