Joys of being a woman

As a woman I have the joy of bleeding from my genitals every month; and as a lesbian who doesn’t want kids this monthly occurrence is pointless and quite frankly, bloody annoying. Life can be a bit unfair for women, we have periods, we have babies, we have the menopause. All something to look forward to. 

It’s nice that I can choose whether to have a baby or not, the answer is no! Obvs. But making me a crazy bleeding bitch every month as some sort of punishment for not getting pregnant is fucked up.

So I have come up with a list of things that are just as pointless, redundant and damn right stupid as giving a lesbian who doesn’t want kids a period. Read fast for maximum fun times.

 



List of pointless things in life:

• Decaff coffee
• A monk with a high sex drive
• A nun with a high sex drive
• The Lib Dems
• Nipples on men
• Shoe umbrellas
• A fish with wings
• Turning the radio down when approaching a roundabout
• Tapping the top of a can before opening it
• Being offended by Piers Morgan
• Being offended by Katie Hopkins
• A quadriplegic race car driver
• Nigel Farage

(breathe)

• Donald Trump’s presidency
• Frankie Boyle’s swear box
• The Palestinian peace process
• Russell Brand’s “revolutionary theory”
• Nigel Farage’s face
• Those Samaritan help posters at the train stations
• Non-alcoholic beer
• Donald Trump’s face
• This list
• My dad telling me to press ctrl + alt+ delete to fix my iMac
• A blind guide dog
• Donald Trump’s hair piece
• Winning the X factor
•  Pre-peeled fruit in plastic wrapping
• Supporting the Scotland football team (oh look a football joke, how pleasing)
• And finally… Donald Trump

 

What is the point?

Life is full of ridiculously pointless things and if you think about it hard enough then you’ll realise that life itself is just a big pointless concept made up by the Chinese. Feel free to continue this list in the comment section below, or in your head or how about on the wall of your lounge and why not do it in red to give it that Christmas theme that we’re all after at this time of year.

 

Do you want to be a lesbian or perhaps a better lesbian? Fantastic! You may think that being a lesbian is as simple as being sexually attracted to just women, well you are wrong my friend. So very, very wrong. But not to worry, let’s put your stupidness behind us and get on with this very helpful, informative and not at all silly guide. Being a lesbian is a way of life, it’s an attitude, it’s a fragrance. Learn how to become a proper lesbian with this hilarious guide!

By | 2018-05-18T07:17:19+00:00 November 16th, 2017|

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