When you think of a lesbian you probably think of a chubby, short haired butch woman who loves football, beer and Clare Balding, who doesn’t?
Like a lot of lazy stereotypes, the labels that us lesbians are given are 100% true. We really are a butch bunch of sporty dykes. But like with everything, you get those special people who like to think that they’re original and different. But be rest assured that most of us fit the stereotype to a T. Sometimes I wonder where the stereotypes originate from, could it be from the famous lesbians?
Despite what you might think gay bars are like, they are actually (apart from She Bar in London and a few dotted around in other big cities), utter pants. My friends and I went to Limes in Canterbury recently and the bright pink bobbly walls were covered in a variety of chewing gum, bogies and blue tac, so it was quite an upmarket establishment compared to others I’ve been to.
I love Abba and a stripper pole as much as the next gay, but do we need them in nearly every gay bar? If a gay bar doesn’t have a stripper pole in it (shock horror), then it will at least be filled with:
- A ratio of 40 gay men to 1 gay woman
- At least one drag queen
- A poster advertising STI checks
- Sticky floors (vodka or sperm? God, I hope it’s sperm, it’s as close as I will ever get)
Not all of us are happy to stick to the floor in a seedy gay bar, so why not give the place a lick of paint, mop the floor and stop treating us like we’re all massive ho bags, yeah? Here are some other bad things about being a lesbian, besides the spermy gay bars.
When you think of lesbian fashion you probably imagine a woman in quite butch clothing, and you’d be right to think that because we’ve all wanted to be Sporty Spice at one point. Damn those tracksuits looked comfy. A lot of us have carried this fashion sense through to our adulthood, myself included.
Obviously not all of us are scary butches who love a pair of dungarees, Dr Martin’s and buzz cuts though, some of us are femme darlings who wear make-up, have long hair and actually shop in the female section of the clothes shop.
Just like the differences in our fashion, lesbian politics can also vary. Unfortunately not all of us are left-wing socialist superheroes who do everything we can to spread the socialist message; some of us are Trump-loving, Tory-voting capitalist tarts.
As a lover of the ladies we are more likely to be vegan, recycling machines who consider plants as friends rather than some annoying bug-ridden things in the garden, but we’re not all like that. Some of us are grubby meat eaters who recycle sod all and instead spend our time flicking fag butts on the floor and spitting on the pavement.
Similarly, some lesbians don’t like to shave their legs because they feel that they are fighting against the patriarchy, good for them! But there are some of us who do shave our legs, and neither of us are better than the other, one of us just has less hair. Did I mention that we love drama? GOD DAMN do we love drama, especially the scene queens who think they’re Shane from The L Word.
So as you can see, some of us do fit the stereotype and some of us don’t. But there will always be people in life that assume that you are a certain way just because you love the vag.
If you’re just coming out, welcome and why not check out the essential lesbian toolkit that will make your journey into lesbianism much more enjoyable. Are you a lesbian? Fantastic, here’s my number, no seriously, is there anything you find frustrating about the lesbo stereotype? Comment below and let’s have a natter about it 🙂