As Suz and I don’t own a tent we borrowed our friend’s one. Unfortunately it was bright green and apparently bugs really like green. Let’s just say we had a lot of company in the tent. When we got to the camp site our tent had already been put up, hooray we got away with not pitching! But then we realised that there was another tent to put up so Suz buggered off to get milk and I helped the others to pitch the tent. How many lesbians does it take to pitch a tent? 5, it takes 5.
Apart from the 100 mistakes I made trying to pitch the tent the biggest mistake was leaving the tent door open over night. Apparently, although it’s really hot in my bedroom at night, it isn’t in fact really hot outside at night so I spent the first night shivering my boobies off. For those who are concerned I didn’t actually freeze them off. My boobs are still very much on, thanks for your concern.
When we packed our car we took our blow up bed, some pillows, two sleeping bags, two chairs and a shit load of alcohol. Did we think that we needed blankets/a duvet/some form of warmth? No we did not think of that. Next time though, oh boy we’re going to be packed full of layers. And food, lots of food.
The Bad Bits of Camping
I haven’t been camping since I was part of the Girl Guides and I did recently what I did then; I forgot my Tigger teddy. Last time my mother promised to send it to me, which she did not, the root of my distrust? Maybe. But anyway the bad bits of camping. It’s not as comfy or homely as a nice hotel. You have to walk a bit of a way to go to the toilet in the night; and there’s no squatting behind a bush because when I did that a big light came on.
The Good Bits of Camping
It’s bloody fun. Well most of it is besides the toilet and bug situation. Unlike with a hotel there were grounds to throw a Frisbee and practise our cartwheels in. We also had a BBQ and enjoyed a variety of other camping shenanigans. You’d think that being woken up by cows mooing and lots of birds squawking overhead would put me off but it sort of added to the general camping experience. Next time I’d like to camp on a beautiful hill overlooking the Scottish Highlands, but perhaps with more layers, less birds and maybe some delicious Danish pastries.
Do you want to be a lesbian or perhaps a better lesbian? Fantastic! You may think that being a lesbian is as simple as being sexually attracted to just women, well you are wrong my friend. So very, very wrong. But not to worry, let’s put your stupidness behind us and get on with this very helpful, informative and not at all silly guide. Being a lesbian is a way of life, it’s an attitude, it’s a fragrance. Learn how to become a proper lesbian with this hilarious guide!